The Haggadah tells of four children: the wise child, the wicked child, the simple child, and the child who doesn’t know how to ask. We hear about these children every Passover. Here are the children we don’t hear as much about.
The hungry child
The influencer child
The child who, if he could please sit down, we could get started
The child who just read a think piece about Passover
The child who just had wine for the first time
The child who just learned about Pharaoh
The kidsplainer
The child who is asking a lot of questions but none of them have anything to do with Passover
The child who could ask a question but doesn’t really feel like it
The polite Christian child who is being very respectful of all these customs
The child who is half Jewish and quietly having an identity crisis
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (she’s everywhere!)
The child who found the afikomen before the time to look for it officially began
The child who found the afikomen before the time to look for it officially began and has already traded it for candy
The child who has created an app to help kids around the world find the afikomen before their parents even hide it
The full-grown man who is acting like a child
To all these children, we must respond as the Torah commands: “Adonai led me out of Egypt with a strong hand, and so, if you have any questions about what this all means, keep them to yourselves so we can get through this, we’re starving.”